Jogo Bonito seems to have quite literally become The Beautiful Game.
The World Cup 2010 may not have tickled and titillated too many fans, with its low-scoring games, dour tactics and God-damn annoying vuvu-fucking-zelas.
Still, it has pushed the right buttons as far as one group of people are concerned.
The South African jamboree has sparked the interest of
beauty worshipping website, beautifulpeople.com
The website has recently published a list featuring the beauties and the beasts of this World Cup. And no, I'm not talking about WAGs and visiting celebrities.
The website's list actually focuses on the players themselves.
Come on, let's face it. It's a common enough thing. Most of us have had to put up with fans - mainly women - who gush about how cute Stevie G is (the answer being: not at all!) or how they'd like to despoil Iker Casillas (who, I have to admit, is a good looking bloke) and how bewitching Kaka's dark, mysterious eyes are (excuse me while I go puke my dinner).
Well, anyway, visitors to beautifulpeople have appointed
Spain's misfiring forward Fernando Torres as this edition's official Adonis.
Joining him in the "most beautiful man" category is Portugal winger/ inside forward / gay icon /new daddy Cristiano Ronaldo. Torres scored a massive 7.81 out of 10 while Crissy wasn't far behind,with 7.52.
Other Greek Gods in the tournament include Kaka, French flop Yoann Gourcuff, Casillas and Spanish hotshot David Villa. All polled scores of above 7.
Interestingly, the teams that are considered to be collectively the most lovely to watch (and I mean that quite literally) are also the World Cup's finalists - Spain and Holland. If their beauty ratings are anything to go by (5.77 for Spain, 5.53 for Holland), the Spanish will just about edge Holland to the trophy.
And what about the beasties? Who are the ones who are considered the uglies? The kinds that wouldn't be able to score in a brothel?
Well, the most prominent names are Frenchman Franck Ribery, England's Wayne Rooney (whose summer seems to be going from bad to worse), Argentine striker Carlos Tevez and Spanish semi-final hero Carles Puyol. They scored a paltry 2.95, 3.28, 3.23 and 3.98 respectively. And you really can't argue with that can you? None of them have the kind of face you'd want to encounter in a dark alley at night.
But the award for the fugliest, the most un-lovely and the most unravishing teams belongs to North Korea and the Ivory Coast.
North Korea's soccer superstars' ratings range from 2.95 to 3.53 for an average of 3.26. The Ivory Coast, on the other hand, counts Didier Drogba as its best looking bloke, which pretty much tells you how tragic they are in the looks department (3.57 for the number-
obsessed among you).
But then again, that's the beauty (THAT WORD AGAIN!) of football, isn't it? Or rather, that's the beauty of sports in general.
You can be the most goddamn ugly motherfucker around and still be a God. It used to be that way in music and acting, but both art forms are devolving into popularity contests and beauty pageants as time goes by.
Sport remains pure though. Where else would the Williams sisters shine? In what other line of work would Smokin' Joe Frazier have found fame and fortune? Shaquille O' Neal has a face that even a mother would have trouble loving.
But if you're a sportsman or sportswoman, none of that matters. It's all about your talent, your perseverance, your fighting spirit, your sportsmanship and the moments of magic that you create.
It doesn't matter if you're a bug-eyed Brazilian teenager scoring one of the greatest ever World Cup goals or an aging Cameroonian with missing teeth celebrating your goal by gyrating with the corner flag. People will worship you, people will adore you, people will love you and people will remember you.
And that, boys and girls, is why we love sport.
