Hanging is Too Good for Astro. It Should Be Drawn and Quoted.

I have on more than one occassion heard that Karl Marx wrote The Communist Manifesto standing up.

The reason, apparently, that Herr Marx did not sit down while penning the world-changing book was because he had a wound of some sort on his butt.

The wound was so painful that it was impossible for him to sit. Or so the legend goes.

I, while writing this, find myself in something of a similar situation. I have not one, but two minor (I hope!), but very painful little wounds right now.

One is a pimple inside my nostril which is making my entire, not-so-little nose feel very sore indeed. The other, worse, one is a boil just below my waist. It's location makes sitting down very painful indeed. I've tried squeezing it, warming it with a hot compress and even pricking and poking it with a blade. Nothing works, though I've subjected myself to a lot of - probably unnecessary - pain.

So, the only thing left is to emulate Marx and use this time to write. Unlike Marx's masterpiece, I doubt what I note down will be of any consquence to the world. But, fuck it. I'm bored and cranky. And there's nothing like being fussy and nitpicky when I'm in one of my bitchy moods.

So, there i was, surfing Astro to see if there were any documentaries worth watching. I tuned in to Animal Planet and decided to check out the programme synopsis.

I was quite simply flabbergasted when I saw what popped up. If you look at the image on the left, you'd understand quite well what I mean.

My first reaction was to just wonder how a company as big, as well staffed, as rich and as technologically advanced as mighty Astro can make a boo-boo like this.

This is a company that collects on average RM100 a month from God knows how many million Malaysians. With all that cash flowing in, you'd think that they can afford to hire people who speak and write decent enough English to know the difference between "six feet" and "six fit". And to know that it's "third" and not "thirrd". And to actually have the brains and the initiative to come up with a programme synopsis that makes some sense.

Disbelief then gave way to anger. Is this what I am paying my RM100 every month for? To get sub-standard programming? TV reception that seizes up every time it rains? Synopses that don't make sense? Programmes that are:
a) boring
b) repetitious
c) inane
d) all of the above

But then again, this is exactly what happens when one company enjoys a monopoly and stranglehold on a certain sector. A lot of us still remember humble Megatv, with its bare-bones 5 channels. It gave us the essentials for less than RM50, if I remember correctly.

But Astro, with its marketing and its thousands of unnecessary channels, blew Megatv away with ease. Then came Vincent Tan's MiTV cable provider. Only God - and Vincent - know what happened to that thing.

It ultimately means that we consumers have a choice. Put up with Astro's crap, substandard service or just unsubscribe. Not really much of a choice, is it? Not many people can imagine making do with just TV1, TV2 and the other free-to-air channels. Looking at the quality of the programmes, one can't really blame the viewership for succumbing to Astro.

And so, Mr. AK laughs all the way to the bank as he counts his ever-growing billions. And all the while, us average Joes can't say anything.

Except this.